i've been knitting

i’m proud of myself :)

not necessarily for the physical end products (although like hell yeah! i’ve got some cosy socks!) but because i had to do a bunch of emotional work on the way. like,

• getting comfortable spending money on myself for fun things (turns out i have to relearn this lesson every time my financial situation changes)
• learning how i like to learn (focusing on a part until i understand it, doing the same thing multiple times, giving myself space and time to be comfortable with something before moving on)
• figuring out what i want to do and what i want to prioritise (if i decide that i want a hobby to fill my time with creative joy, then, if someone says a particular technique is a “tedious waste of time”, i don’t have to take that as a drawback. maybe that’s the scenic route that gives me more time with my hobby? or maybe i find it is tedious and it’s my choice if i want to learn it through experience so i can fully appreciate the time that the alternatives are saving me)
• being present with what i’m feeling at each step (not just barrelling through discomfort)
• being kind to myself (i used to think this was just about not being mean to myself and saying nice things instead. and that’s still an important part. but i’m learning that this also involves taking my concerns seriously, both in understanding them and working to address them)

it’s been a rough few months. i think things are getting better? i can tell that i’ve made a lot of progress in identifying my emotions and processing them and reorienting myself afterwards. and i think that’s something to be proud of?