advice
related to the previous post: the thing about advice is that you have to learn how to use advice
a non-exhaustive list of things that got in my way:
- treating basically everything as advice even though sometimes it’s just like, someone talking about their own experiences and they’re not really thinking about whether or not it would apply to someone else (nor should they have to)
- not knowing how to handle when advice from someone i trust doesn’t work
- not knowing how to handle when people give conflicting advice
- not knowing how to handle when a particular person gives both good and bad advice
- not knowing how to think about advice in a more nuanced way. it’s often not just “good” or “bad” but rather useful or not useful in different circumstances
- not being able to recognise the differences between my circumstances and someone else’s circumstances and how that affects how/if i take that advice
- not feeling able reject advice without a “really good reason”
i wasn’t really sure whether or not to post this and the previous post because i’m struggling a lot with feelings of shame. when i learned these things i felt really silly for not realising earlier, and for the ways i’d thought and acted before
but i know i’m not the only one who struggles with these things. for example, a bunch of these points are examples of “black and white thinking”, a trait that’s associated with both autism and trauma responses. and i don’t want to be ashamed of those two things. they’re part of me, they make me who i am, and they also contribute to a lot of the things i find hard and the ways i conflict with others. i guess what i’m getting at is that i want to be okay with struggling with the sorts of things that “most people” find straightforward, and talking about this is part of that